I'd like to start by wishing anyone and everyone a merry and wonderful Christmas. If there is one day that I never wish someone to have a bad day for it would be today. I hope everyone gets what or who they wanted and that they get to spend it with their loved ones. Now I have never known the feeling of not being with my loved ones for Christmas, however I got to experience it this year. Today didn't even feel like Christmas to me. Just another saturday night that I am working a midshift for.
I got some wonderful gift cards for Christmas this year sent to me by family. As well as some wonderful baked goods from my mom. I asked for a lot and truly expected nothing so i definitely got more than I had ever hoped. But the one thing that my heart desired was not achieved. I was hoping to have a special someone to spend the small amount of the day that I was off with. Now hopefully one day I'll find it, who knows. But I have learned the true understanding of don't take for granted what you have while you have it. However I have been able to spend it with some friends that I have made since being in the Navy but let me tell you that it's just no where near the same! And please don't get me wrong, i am not at all ungrateful for anything I have or the people I have been around as they are all some amazing people. But I just wish i could of been at home in Denver or even St. Louis or San Diego with the rest of my family instead of working for Christmas night.
Now on to a happier note, I have gotten an amazing Christmas present from God himself this year. It is snowing, right when I needed it most. Feeling as homesick as I was it started snowing on Christmas the first time there has been snow on the ground during Christmas day since 1966. A more than amazing feeling being from CO knowing that I get to see at least a couple hours of white Christmas in 2 years, and it just happened to be when I need it most.
So on that note I'll leave y'all be. I hope everyone had an emaculate Christmas and that you got to spend time with your loved ones. Enjoy and savour that time as it can be swiped from you even quicker than it came!
Saturday, December 25, 2010
Thursday, December 16, 2010
3 Some?
So recently i got arrested and wondered what was gonna happen with this girl that I have actually decided to like and then my phone fucks up to the point of no return unfortunately...welll I ended up gettin drunk one night start the middle of a threesome. The one thing that many people would love to be involved in.
Well this one tended to be my idea one to help out a friend and two to say i have done it. So when this thing was going down about half way through, and you know what not even that I just thought maybe just maybe this girl has been true to me. So i stop walk out and deal with it. You know why because i actually care about her she has infested my mind its actually kinda stupid the way I am feeling. Now this girl is kind of a hoe and so am I normally but she just has me stupified if you will. And if she wants more than so do I but it is so hard to tell. I had my phone brake and havent talked to her in a few days so now I wait for a response or even something due to the fact that I have a new phone. So i brake out of one of my sexual fantasies for something i may eventually regret doing do to guilt.
Now I know it may just be me but I dont want to be "that guy" anymore I want to have someone that I truly care about and want to be with! And if thats is her than I will be more than ecstatic. If that is just me though then fuck what was I thinkin but if not and I do feel that there could possibly be a huge chance of this then that would be killer, do you know why? Well lemme tell you that it is because I am done with the old me. I want a new me and someone to bring home to the family. I have waited and dwelled on this for quite sometime now and have come to the final conclusion that I may finally be ready.
Ready for the realy jump? Well if so the question is....is SHE?!? Well she has given signs but none that prevail so i feel like I truly wait to find out the truth from her. God please help me in this one as I do sincerely need it.....
Well this one tended to be my idea one to help out a friend and two to say i have done it. So when this thing was going down about half way through, and you know what not even that I just thought maybe just maybe this girl has been true to me. So i stop walk out and deal with it. You know why because i actually care about her she has infested my mind its actually kinda stupid the way I am feeling. Now this girl is kind of a hoe and so am I normally but she just has me stupified if you will. And if she wants more than so do I but it is so hard to tell. I had my phone brake and havent talked to her in a few days so now I wait for a response or even something due to the fact that I have a new phone. So i brake out of one of my sexual fantasies for something i may eventually regret doing do to guilt.
Now I know it may just be me but I dont want to be "that guy" anymore I want to have someone that I truly care about and want to be with! And if thats is her than I will be more than ecstatic. If that is just me though then fuck what was I thinkin but if not and I do feel that there could possibly be a huge chance of this then that would be killer, do you know why? Well lemme tell you that it is because I am done with the old me. I want a new me and someone to bring home to the family. I have waited and dwelled on this for quite sometime now and have come to the final conclusion that I may finally be ready.
Ready for the realy jump? Well if so the question is....is SHE?!? Well she has given signs but none that prevail so i feel like I truly wait to find out the truth from her. God please help me in this one as I do sincerely need it.....
Friday, December 3, 2010
Out of Motivation!
At work they have recently started making a lot of changes for us, and on top of these changes they now want me to get qualified in shit that i really could give two shits less about. Well what doesn't help me even in the slightest is that I am going to be getting out of the Navy for sure, there is no longer any ifs ands or buts about this one.
We have these things called perform to serve and on these "evaluations" if you will there is an option that asks what you will be doing when your contract is up with the military and as I am sure you can guess there is the option for getting out. Well when I did my PTS I signed it saying that I am getting out of the military. In other words they caught me in a bad mood and now I no longer have any option to stay in or get out. Guess what, I knew this would be the case too. So now I am trying to get out a year early since the Navy is allowing people to do this for college since it is too full. I figure why should I waste time in the Navy for my last year of my contract? With this option I will now be able to get out in March 9th 2012 instead of 2013! Which if you havent figured out is great news! (for me anyways)
Now having all of that in mind lets jump back to the demotivated part. Where should I feel any kind of motivation to work hard for them or to get all these extra stupid ass qualifications that the Navy wants me to get when they are going to do absolutely nothing of use for me or my "career" that is none existant as it is! And on top of this what sucks even more ass is the fact that they want to get qualified and be able to do maritimes job (oceanography in a sense) where my job and orders are for Aviation! ITS BULL SHIT! How am i possibly going to feel any motivation what do I need to do? Obviously I cant tell them to fuck off (maybe in a lil over a year) but until then I guess I just have to suck it up.
So I guess for this next year I will now have to just suck it up and make sure I can get through a day. What kinda sucks though in that aspect of making it through a day is that there are only a couple things that really help me get through the days. Number one the thought of going home on leave in just a couple of weeks, and Number two is that i get to go hang out with my friends when I dont get stuck working in this god forsacken building! Oh well thats life right? Well if I'm feeling kinda down right now then next theres only one thing that can happen.....Things will start to look up. And hopefully sooner than later!
We have these things called perform to serve and on these "evaluations" if you will there is an option that asks what you will be doing when your contract is up with the military and as I am sure you can guess there is the option for getting out. Well when I did my PTS I signed it saying that I am getting out of the military. In other words they caught me in a bad mood and now I no longer have any option to stay in or get out. Guess what, I knew this would be the case too. So now I am trying to get out a year early since the Navy is allowing people to do this for college since it is too full. I figure why should I waste time in the Navy for my last year of my contract? With this option I will now be able to get out in March 9th 2012 instead of 2013! Which if you havent figured out is great news! (for me anyways)
Now having all of that in mind lets jump back to the demotivated part. Where should I feel any kind of motivation to work hard for them or to get all these extra stupid ass qualifications that the Navy wants me to get when they are going to do absolutely nothing of use for me or my "career" that is none existant as it is! And on top of this what sucks even more ass is the fact that they want to get qualified and be able to do maritimes job (oceanography in a sense) where my job and orders are for Aviation! ITS BULL SHIT! How am i possibly going to feel any motivation what do I need to do? Obviously I cant tell them to fuck off (maybe in a lil over a year) but until then I guess I just have to suck it up.
So I guess for this next year I will now have to just suck it up and make sure I can get through a day. What kinda sucks though in that aspect of making it through a day is that there are only a couple things that really help me get through the days. Number one the thought of going home on leave in just a couple of weeks, and Number two is that i get to go hang out with my friends when I dont get stuck working in this god forsacken building! Oh well thats life right? Well if I'm feeling kinda down right now then next theres only one thing that can happen.....Things will start to look up. And hopefully sooner than later!
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